FAQ with Skewers Sadface McGee [video, open]

[myironeyes]

[Marsh is centered in the camera's view, the wall behind him plain, rough-hewn grey stone. The light flickers a little, as though not produced by an electronic source, glinting dully against his spikes. His voice is quiet and raspy, but the words are clearly enunciated.]

I am Marsh. I am a warden aboard this vessel.

If you have heard stories of Inquisitors from the others from my world - they are true. But they are not true of me anymore.

If you have not, simply know that I do not wish to hurt anyone.

[His mouth twists faintly, and he reaches up to tap one fingernail against the blunt surface of the left spike.]

Yes, they're real. Yes, they hurt. No, there's nothing to be done about it.

[Since that seems to be what everyone wants to know first. The message ends.]



[Spam, Kelsier's room, backdated to wibbly time after the power swap event]

[Marsh sits in a chair beside Kelsier's bed, burning tin and bronze at a steady clip, compounding wakefulness as he does so, hunched over a plain grey shirt, diligently mending the seams.]

Comments

[myironeyes]

[On the one hand, Marsh doesn't really think Ned has anything to apologize for. On the other hand, he'll never be quite far away enough from his time as a street urchin to demur food.]

Yes.

May I assist you?

[Kitchens are nice. Cooking is nice.]

[deadly_ned]

I'd love it if you did.

Do you cook?

[myironeyes]

Some.

I haven't much, since -

[He waves a hand briefly at the spikes.]

It's harder to distinguish colors. And there seem to be many more ingredients available here. But I can manage simple things.

[deadly_ned]

Pie is simple. Pie's easy as...pie.

[myironeyes]

We did have it, actually. Pie.

[Of course, they were usually full of root vegetables, or a bit of meat if you somehow managed to come by it, heavy savory things that would keep for a week. He doesn't really have a concept of dessert pie.]

[deadly_ned]

Did you have a favorite flavor? Or fruit? I have lists to go through if you want lists.

[myironeyes]

Parsnip.

We...didn't have fruit, actually.

[He has learned, in recent times, that he likes fruit a lot. But he's not really sure how to pick one.]

[deadly_ned]

You didn't have fruit.


You didn't have fruit.



Did you have scurvy instead?

[myironeyes]

We had vegetables. Some of them. Just...nothing with flowers.

[deadly_ned]

That changes now.

[myironeyes]

[Ned, you get his first actual for real smile on the barge.]

Okay.

Where should I find you?

[deadly_ned]

Kitchens. Usually. This being no exception....kitchens.

[myironeyes]

I'll be there.

[skip to spam?]

Spam

[deadly_ned]

[True to his word, the Piemaker was, in fact, inside the kitchens. As was his wont to do whenever discovering someone on the Barge who had yet to enjoy the comfort of comfort food, the Piemaker was in full baking mode. A complete traffic jam of pie crusts and filling littered the premium-priced counterspace, and the Piemaker, with his dog Digby at his side, was already hard at work]

Spam

[myironeyes]

Hello.

Ned?

[Just slightly unsure, because he couldn't actually see Ned's face on the communicator. But it doesn't seem like it could be anyone else.]

Spam

[deadly_ned]

Marsh?

[The Piemaker looks up, and a hesitant genuine grin makes its way to his face]

Um.

Come in?


Please come in.


I'd shake your hand but I don't think you want to get it all covered in flour and berry jam just yet. Unless that's your thing. If it's your thing, I can respect it, I just thought it fair to warn you first.

Spam

[myironeyes]

Yes.

[He reaches down to pet the dog first, then washes his hands. Plumbing is great. Yes.]

No reason to delay.

Spam

[deadly_ned]

[Digby, a warm, old, and neurotic golden retriever, wags his tail at the petting but conscious of it, as though he's not sure what he ought to be doing when being petted]


No.


So I...figured I'd start you with a house favorite. The dark purple one in front of you is Three Plum, the one to the left of it is Four Berry and the one to the right is your traditional Apple with a bit of coffee cake crumble on it.

Please dig in. I'm going to pop the banana creme into the oven while you're digging.

Spam

[myironeyes]

You said I could help.

[His face is stern with the accusation but there's no venom in it. He finds a fork and starts quietly inhaling the Three Plum.]

Spam

[deadly_ned]

You can help by eating. Eat first and then come help. I can't eat all of this by myself and I don't want to try.

[surfaceshine]

That's not how I would put it, but we'll go with that.

Spam

[myironeyes]

At least let me stir something.

[He's eating, though.]

Spam

[deadly_ned]

Eat. Please. I'm not going to be happy until you're stuffed full of fruit and sugar and I make a very convincing unhappy face. You wouldn't like it at all.

Spam

[myironeyes]

I have a little brother. I'm immune.

[Nevertheless, rapidly vanishing pie.]

Spam

[deadly_ned]

I have little twin half-brothers. I still have the better pout.

....You're not allergic to anything, are you? I'm realizing I should have asked this before I let you commence with the digging.