Everyone is so worried... everyone wants it out.

My brother died for the power this holds. What if I don't want to lose that?

[ It's as he says this that he realizes he's holding on to it. He's not sure why; the reasons feel tangled and complex inside him. The spike hurts. He should want it out. But he - maybe he does deserve the pain, or maybe it does give him some insight, some connection, some weakness.

He likes how it feels when someone he loves soothes the pain. He can't have that feeling if there's no pain in the first place. ]