Blood on the leaves

[myironeyes]

[He knocks more as an announcement than anything, and lets himself in. Smiles a little, wearily, despite the things he's been thinking about, the things he needs to say. It's good to see C'Rizz surrounded - literally, in the blanket pile - with presents, with how much he is loved.]

A good Christmas, so far?

Comments

[myironeyes]

So you try.

[He touches the locket's chain, lightly, through a gab in the blankets.]

So you have help, where you can find it, and you keep her memory with you, because she is part of you. And every day you make new choices.

I am very petty. And obsessive, and bitter. And so many times, I gave in to despair when I should not have. And then - when everything seemed already lost. I resolved that if I had another chance, I would choose better.

You can. But you can't grow any stronger if you're too afraid to try again.

[to_dust]

I just want to stop. I just--

I'm tired, Marsh. Since I got here all I really wanted was to just... stop. I thought I would, on Utebaddon Taria, I thought that it would be over and it wasn't.

I got to speak with Charlotte and the Doctor again, just that once, and it was the first time in so long I hadn't wanted to just end. But I love them so much. And if I could make it back to them--

I might hurt them. Again. With nobody to blame but myself.

[His voice is cracking and he's started to cry.]

[myironeyes]

Shhh. Rest, then.

[Quiet, gravelly, as gentle as he can manage. The sort of shushing he would have used on Kelsier when he was small, that doesn't actually ask for quiet, that is only meant to be soothing.]

We all get hurt, sometimes. They love you very much too, you know.

[They'd want to see you.]

[to_dust]

I'm afraid. Of what I can be made into and what I am.

[He moves toward Marsh, takes his hand again, crying not particularly gracefully now. Eutermesan throats stop up and choke just like human ones when they cry, and he's rasping miserably.]

[myironeyes]

It's okay. It's okay to be afraid.

[He tugs C'Rizz in a little he takes Marsh's hand, not entirely sure of himself, but if C'Rizz leans into him, the knobbled blunt spike-ends beneath his cloak notwithstanding, he'll wrap the other arm gingerly around him.]

You can't let it stop you forever. But it's. Terrifying, facing yourself like that. It's okay.